A blast from the Elizabethean past...

This is a post from my OLD (and now inactive) blog... I am awed by how insightful I am sometimes...

"....You have to be in a certain kind of mood to watch "Romeo and Juliet" (the 1968 version by Zeffirelli)....unfortunately for Ryan - I was not in such a mood tonight, and yet I stuck around to offer sparkling and amusing commentary where appropriate (or INappropriate - whichever...) Although I thought I was pretty funny, and so did Andy and Matt... I think Ryan was less than amused, but perhaps now he'll see the wisdom of my original attempts to ignore his presence. Have you ever been talking and although you don't WANT to talk anymore...you just can't seem to stop? That has been my unfortunate lot in life, I'm afraid. Another part of the ol' personality I would gladly amputate. Also, if I could, I think I would talk in iambic pentameter all the time. I'm not sure how I would do that, since I'm not sure I have a true grasp on what that is... but I think it would make me sound intelligent and beautiful. By the way, back to ol' Romeo for a minute. How dumb is that story anyway? I mean seriously. You think that I am emotionally unstable?? For goodness sakes, those kids don't even take a minute! "ooh I'm sad.....yea! love! happy!...anger anger....it's ok! sex!....must go away - back to sadness....death potion? sure! happy!....death....confusion...depression....confusion....double suicide" HONESTLY. Speaking of people in need of counseling!! Am I the only one who remembers poor Rosaline?? Beginning of the play Romeo can't imagine going on without her....couple pages later and he's swearing by everything he sees how much he loves Juliet who he's seen for a couple minutes, and whose last name he has only JUST LEARNED.... Screw their families! These kids were doomed for some horrid end to begin with. Manic depressives with no sense of reality. Three minutes after meeting, Romeo is the "god of my idolotry".... good lord. I scoff in their general direction. My theory? Romeo thought Juliet was hot... so he follows her to her room hoping this romantic gesture will get him some action....but she leaves him "unsatisfied"...then SHE mentions marriage, and he thinks: marriage =sex...I'm in! So he goes to the priest....blah blah blah... BUT! If all that dying stuff hadn't happened and they had known each other for more than a day, Romeo would have probably been smitten by some other fair maiden at the next party. And that, my friends, is real life...but not a great movie, I suppose. Think of the episode of Fresh Prince where Jeff pretends to be a priest so that Will can trick his girlfriend into thinking they're married so she'll have sex with him -- it's the same principle, only Romeo really marries her ... and runs off the next morning after they've consumated the marriage. Why not take her with him? Why not run away TOGETHER? ... good question. Answer: 'cause that boy's got 'ho's... he's not intending to be married for, like, ev-er... so that's my theory. Learn this: Spontaneous is all well and good.... but stupid gets you killed. Rosaline knew that - which is why she dumped Romeo's sorry ass to begin with, I would imagine."

Forever immortalized....

It occurs to me that this blog serves a dual purpose of keeping you all updated, AND keeping me in mind of the past. In other words, I can look back and do one of those "oh yeah!"-down-memory-lane-type-trips.... So in interest of that, I will record here some quotes I feel should never be forgotten. If you are quoted, please don't take offense... it just means you are memorable to me... and we all say stupid things!

"Do you feel fullfilled?" -- best comeback to a profession of love EVER (Chris to Rachel, 199?)

"But if we turn this way, it IS north!" -- best explanation of directions in Germany (Martha to Doug, 2001)

"What kind of psycho cuts off his ear and mails it to his girlfriend?" (Doug to Martha - in reference to a picture by PICASSO)
"Uh.....Van Gogh?" (Martha responds with a little sarcasm...2001)

"But we would be MORE than friends... We'd be f*** buddies!" -- ACTUAL quote from a guy hoping to get laid ... he did not.

"This is so pointless." -- most often quoted family phrase (cranky Rebekah to sisters in the car, 2004)

"I've become slowly disillusioned and my love for you has faded away." -- best break-up line ever! Who could be mad after a line like that??

"I'm not drunk...I hold my breath every second." -- best rationalization of drinking ever (My DAD, post-Emily's wedding)

"I'm sorry you had to touch that snooby kloonex" -- most concerned drunk person (Hannah, June 3rd 2004 -- the big 2-1!!)
"You've never had my head in your armpit" -- best pickup line (Hannah to Joel, same night)

"My lips hurt real bad." -- Napoleon Dynamite trying to get his brother to bring him chapstick.
"My feelings hurt real bad." -- Mr. B. quoting Napoleon Dynamite in a desperate (and successful) attempt to get me to talk to him.

There are others.... that's all for now, however. Please feel free to post any YOU think of!! This will be fun!!

Why the Oscars are a waste of our time...

Yes. I had a great time at Cousin Rachel's Oscar Party. And yes, I was happy to see her, and the rest of our family and friends there. And yes, I did tolerably well at predictions. But I still contend the Oscar ceremony is a huge waste of time and money. I don't know how long it went this year, but seriously... that's part of my life I'm never getting back. Here's the thing: there are so many damn awards shows these days -- there's no suprises! Oh wow. Jamie Foxx got the Best Actor award?? Get out of town. Now he has something to match his Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild, etc.. etc... The Oscars are basically just a "in case you missed the other three billion awards shows we already had" - show. NOT TO MENTION.... the amount of money they spend on the production, and pre-show, and post-show, and gowns, and presents, and parties, and.... etc... Then they give "love to the troops overseas".. How about giving a little cash to the troops overseas? Somehow I think they'd appreciate concrete love a little more than the words of some movie stars, right? And THIS year, they had that weird giving the award in the aisle thing. I did not like that or the everyone stand on-stage and then the losers walk off thing. But as I mentioned at the top -- I did watch, and I guess that's the whole point. I enjoyed Chris Rock, because at least he didn't get all caught up in the whole thing -- he kissed no asses. And I appreciate that in a person. Well, now I'm back from up north. My week starts for real tomorrow, and I suppose I'd better be prepared for my kids - "day-after-a-substitute"- mode. Always interesting to disrupt the routines of special needs kids....

Four minute update....

This past week: I got far too drunk far too much... I saw Doug, Andy, Joe, and a BUNCH of other Brothers for Doug's "groom party" in Madison, which was WAY fun...I went to Ripon and had a lot LESS fun...I fell on my ass...I made out with a virtual stranger...It took me FOUR HOURS to get home from Ripon (instead of 1 and 1/2) because of the damn snow...I studied for and took a test that covered 7 chapters of a book I forgot to purchase... uh... I got a cold... I went to the doctor for the billionth time... blah blah blah... That was less than four mintues, but Rebekah says there's an "extra special" CSI:Miami on tonight... so you know I don't wanna' miss a minute!

The Amazing Race...(and other "realities")

From my frequent posts about TV shows, you might think I have nothing better to do than sit around watching TV. This is hardly the case. Just tonight, I only got home from work around 6:30 -- that's 12 hours at school!! Hardly what I would call typical for teachers these days, but I think you'd find a lot of us out there that are working harder than assumed. Anyway.. that's another rant. But the point is: Today was Tuesday, which means "The Amazing Race" was on. My sister, Sarah, really got me going on this show -- if for no other reason, than to have a real reason to call her once a week. I like this show because if you don't actually listen to the obnoxious people -- and you ignore the fact that three of the final four teams are models ("dating models", "engaged models" and...like.."long-distance dating models"..).. it's a pretty cool show. They go all sorts of awesome places, and do bizarre but interesting things in each place. It is finally a reality show I can get on board with! In FACT -- I would like to be ON that show! I think they would take me because of my arthritis, so I would be interesting to watch (being "handicapped"). And I speak a lot of languages, I'm good at reading maps and getting around places, and I can remain super-calm in stressful situations. Problem: Physical tasks -- so I propose my "team" be made up of me ... and someone very physically fit.. and not annoying. If there exists such a person -- we should TOTALLY try and get on that show! I KNOW we'd do at least as well as the grandparents from this season!! It would rock. It would.

Other reality updates: American Idol really is starting to piss me off. First of all, if you are a friend or relative of someone who cannot sing -- just let them down gently before they get in front of America only to be dismissed and degraded... ALSO -- if you ARE trying out -- quit picking the hardest songs ever!! I used to host karaoke in Ripon, and beLIEVE me - NO ONE can sing Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey songs except them! Everyone else sounds like ass. And the more warble-y little extra notes you put in, the more you sound like you can't remember the melody, but you're hoping no one will notice. And there was a large girl who was dismissed tonight for NO OTHER REASON -- except she didn't "look" like an American Idol. I'm pretty annoyed by that, because (although I'm sure I know better!) I'd like to believe that at least some people in America could get past their obsession with looks to actually HEAR the voices on that show. And by the way, they let GUYS who are overweight through based on their voices not looks (hello, Ruben??) and look what happens! Why are there always these double standards for girls? That big girl tonight had just as good a voice as Ruben, and was every bit as big -- but he IS an "American Idol" and she wasn't allowed to even try. Have a little more faith in Americans, Simon! Couldn't there be overweight boys and girls in America (hmmm??possibly???) that might be happy to vote for someone who is more representative of them? Could be. But we'll never know now, hey? Last season, when people kept voting for that red-haired guy...John?.. the judges kept saying, "you have to be voting on the voices!".. but why don't they do the same, and put through people regardless of appearance? You can always diet, or cut your hair, or change your look... but talent ought to be talent either way. (sigh) ok. That's rant enough for tonight.

Next time: Soap Operas... and why they suck.